what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
