You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
