I can feel you judging me through the phone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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