My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
