dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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