I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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