That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dick very happy bro
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
