I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
