Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?

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(847): View more from Illinois

Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight

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(951): View more from California

I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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(440): View more from Ohio

he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(440): View more from Ohio

Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

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(315): View more from New York

My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.

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(713): View more from Texas

So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me

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(706): View more from Georgia

I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....

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