The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
