haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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