I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
