You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country