Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....