i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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