I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
