Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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