HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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