I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
