she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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