Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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