Please, let me fuck your mom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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