it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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