I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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