Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
