Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
