oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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