He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
