When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
