genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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