whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
