Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
