I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
