Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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