I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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