hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
