I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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