I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
