I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
