the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
