where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
