I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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