I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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