I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
