he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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