you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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