there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
