Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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