Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
