I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
