Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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