return my video game
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
