i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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