You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
