thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
