Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
