he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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