The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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