I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
