you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
