is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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