8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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