when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's like a pop up book from hell.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
