happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
