When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
