Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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