Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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