i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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