You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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