Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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