my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
