im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
