dude i'm inner monologue high
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
