Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
